


bad habit, i know (but i'm needing you right now)

by sh_rkboy



Series: if the sky that we look upon should tumble and fall [1]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Adopted Sibling Relationship, Angst, Ben Hargreeves Deserves Better, Ben Hargreeves is a Good Brother, Character Study, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Gen, Ghosts, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Prostitution, Implied/Referenced Suicidal Thoughts, Klaus Hargreeves Deserves Better, Klaus Hargreeves is a Good Brother, Reginald Hargreeves' A+ Parenting, does reginald hargreeves deserve rights? the answer is no, drug overdose, i stan one (1) spooky boy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-19
Updated: 2019-02-19
Packaged: 2019-10-31 19:52:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17855912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sh_rkboy/pseuds/sh_rkboy
Summary: Klaus Hargreeves, growing up with his powers over the years.





	bad habit, i know (but i'm needing you right now)

**Author's Note:**

> hello! i binged the umbrella academy in like, two days, and i am in love with klaus
> 
> this is my first fic, so please be gentle. or not
> 
> title from ben platt's song "bad habit"

It wasn’t always bad, having his powers.

When he was really little, before his powers expanded, before all he could ever see was corpses—some of the ghosts almost seemed like friends. That wasn’t to say it was fun, of course. Often, the dead that would call to him were bloodied, mangled corpses, desperately reaching out to him for one last, remaining tether to their lives.

But sometimes, it was okay. Sometimes, the ghosts were good. Some nights, after they had all been through another round of Dad’s particularly grueling tests, he would lie alone, in bed, and cry to himself—soft, shuddering sobs that would echo inside his room, soundproofed by Dad to make sure he didn’t wake his siblings with his screams at night. These nights, a grandmother who had died from old age would sit by his bed and look down at him with pity, and she would scold the other ghosts to leave him alone, couldn’t they see he was only a boy and that they were frightening him? She would reach out with one hand, like she was trying to brush back his curls, but she could never quite touch. But sometimes, when he closed his eyes tight and breathed slow and deep, he could feel the cool air whispering against his skin, and that was enough. Some days, when his siblings were being particularly annoying, a little girl who had died of some disease he couldn’t pronounce would make faces at them until he laughed. And everyone would look at him like he was crazy, but he would just smile, because it was his little secret.

As he got older, as he eventually became Klaus instead of just Number Four, however, he would start to see the ghosts everywhere; he would see more and more of them all at once. They would visit him no matter where he ran, and he would hear their broken, tortured cries in his dreams.

None of his siblings understood, of course. How could they? The only one that came close was Ben, who knew what it was to be afraid of your own powers. Ben, who he would sometimes catch staring at his reflection in the mirror, looking uncertain. Ben, who would crawl into his bed after missions and curl up next to Klaus, whispering, “What if I’m the monster?” And Ben, who let Klaus climb into his bed after a week of being locked in the mausoleum by Dad, who let Klaus cling to him until he could remember what was real and what wasn’t. Ben, who was the first person Klaus confessed to, in tears, that he might like boys, not girls. Ben, who was the first person who told Klaus that it was okay if he liked boys.

If Ben wasn’t there to hold him, Klaus turned to stealing drinks from Dad’s liquor cabinet. To rolling his joints under the dining table, ignoring the disapproving glances he would catch from Ben out of the corner of his eye, who was the only one out of all of his siblings who might have said something. But Ben didn’t. He just got quieter and quieter, nose stuck in a book as he did his best to tune out the world around him. Klaus couldn’t really blame him for it. They were all just doing the same thing, weren’t they? Finding ways to escape.

When Ben died, all he felt was numb. His siblings stood by his side at the funeral, all of them mourning—because really, Ben was the best out of all of them, wasn’t he? But Klaus just stood there, quiet for once. Because Ben was right there. Even despite all the shit Klaus had put in his veins, Ben was still right there next to him, watching as Vanya sniffled, as dear old Dad said some bullshit speech about the greater good, not even bothering to pretend he cared about Ben as a person. Ben was right there next to Klaus, rolling his eyes as they set up that ridiculous statue in their backyard, and it made Klaus giggle, mirth bubbling up out of him. They all stared at him, various looks of disgust on their faces, even Pogo, who did his best to be kind.

“God, couldn’t you have been sober for this?” Luther hissed at him. “Get a grip. Ben is dead.”

Ben’s right here, Klaus wanted to say, unable to hold back his laughter, because that was just it, wasn't it? His life—everything—all of it was just one big fucking joke.

After the funeral, one by one, the siblings started to leave, Klaus being the first of them. Without Ben there, what reason did he have to stay?

Klaus quickly moved on from weed to heroin, to taking pills from strangers, to sucking dick to get money to pay to be high out of his mind, to escape from the ghosts. But he could never escape one particular ghost, not anymore. But it was alright. Ben was one of the good ghosts. And he sure was a lot less quiet in death than he was in life, Klaus would learn.

“You need to stop this, Klaus,” Ben would say, eyebrows knit together in an expression of concern that annoyed Klaus to no end the more he did it. “You’re killing yourself.”

But Klaus would just smile, humorless. Isn’t that the fucking point? he was never able to say. “Shut up,” he would mumble, instead. But Ben seemed to understand, anyway.

The first time Klaus OD’ed, he woke up to a teary-eyed Ben by his side. “You were gone for a second. I lost my connection to you,” Ben said, swallowing. Klaus’s stomach dropped. “Don’t fucking do that to me again.”

“I’m sorry,” Klaus whispered, voice hoarse.

“Promise me,” Ben insisted.

“I promise,” Klaus said. They both knew it was a lie. But Ben would stay by his side anyway. Ben was good like that.

**Author's Note:**

> i love klaus's and ben's relationship so so much in the show it's the best


End file.
